Church WithOut Walls International-Europe
  • Home
    • Privacy Verklaring
  • DE
    • Weekly Thoughts (D) Wöchentliche Gedanken >
      • Weekly Thoughts (D) Wöchentliche Gedanken - PDF
  • EN
    • Weekly Thoughts >
      • WEEKLY THOUGHTS >
        • John's Monthly Newsletter
      • Weekly Thoughts serie in PDF format
    • About John Fenn
    • About Wil & Ank Kleinmeulman
    • Books written by Ank Kleinmeulman >
      • About Ank - author
    • Online Bibleschool
  • F
    • Pensées Hebdomadaires
    • PDF à lire et/ou imprimer
    • A propos de John Fenn
    • A propos de Wil & Ank Kleinmeulman
    • Vidéo en anglais
    • Nous contacter
  • FI
    • Viikottaisia ajatuksia >
      • WEEKLY THOUGHTS / Viikottaisia ajatuksia
      • Weekly Thoughts / Viikottaisia ajatuksia - PDF
    • John Fennistä
    • TV7
    • Kontaktihenkilö Suomessa
  • LT
    • Weekly Thoughts (LT) Savaitės Mintys >
      • E-Book
    • Straipsniai >
      • Kaip mes suprantame, koks turi būti surinkimas
      • Krikštai
      • Kaip veikia 5 tarnavimo dovanos namų surinkimuose?
      • Grįžimas prie paprasto tikėjimo
      • Garbinimas
      • Namų surinkimai Naujajame Testamente
      • Išgelbėjimas
      • Tikėjimo išpažinimas
      • Kaip prasidėjo CWOWI?
      • Dažnai pasitaikantys klausimai
    • Video LT
  • LV
  • NL
    • Weekly Thoughts - nederlands >
      • WEEKLY THOUGHTS (NL) Wekelijkse Gedachten >
        • Weekly Thoughts NL pdf
    • Over / bio van John Fenn
    • Over / bio Wil & Ank
    • Wat wij geloven
    • Onderwijs - Online Bijbelschool
    • Onderwijs - MP3
    • Boeken van Ank Kleinmeulman
    • Doneren / gift overmaken?
    • Conferentie
    • Artikelen >
      • Hoe “Church Without Walls International” is ontstaan
      • Hoe een samenkomst van een CWOW huisgemeente eruit ziet
      • Waarom samenkomen in een huis?
      • Wat is een huiskerk en een huiskerk netwerk?
      • HuisKerken: Waarom – Wat – en Hoe?
      • Ank deelt over Wat & Hoe van Huiskerken (VIDEO'S)
    • Lokaties van Huiskerken (in NL)
  • PL
  • RO
    • Gânduri săptămânale >
      • Gânduri săptămânale - PDF
  • RU
    • Джон Фенн
    • Сид Рот «Это сверхъестественно»
  • Locations
  • Donate
  • Events
  • TV
  • Contact

Mental illness & End Times #5 (my life)

6/14/2014

0 Comments

 
Hi all,
I don't approach emotional and mental health from a theologically cold academic perspective - I'd like to share about my own life - what we deal with weekly and often daily, and how we maintain a healthy emotional and mental life!

From my own life
Having lived his first 24 years at home, putting Chris in a group home 10 years ago was a huge adjustment for each of us. The home we felt comfortable with and had the peace of the Lord with, was about a 2 hour drive from our home. The first 5 years of him living there were horrible.

Being mentally 4 years old due to the umbilical cord wrapped around his neck in delivery, cutting off oxygen and causing brain damage, though physically 24, he didn't understand why he couldn't live at home anymore. He would call us on the phone and cry, sobbing loudly, apologizing through his tears, "I'm so sorry, I'm sorry I did wrong, I'll be good, can I come home now, I want to come home!" - thinking he had done something horribly wrong to cause us to move him out of his home to live with strangers 2 hours away.

Because of the distance and ministry schedule we could only have him home 1-2 nights every 4-6 weeks, though we talked on the phone often, and we tried and tried to get him to understand he did nothing wrong.

After 5 years of that, he was then 29, he gave up the will to live. He got down to a dangerous weight because he refused to eat, and soon refused to get out of bed, refused to take his medicine - he just wanted to die. The real wake up call came when the Manager of the group home told me in the spring of 2008 they needed to discharge him to a nursing home to die, for they couldn't care for him any longer.

We knew it was because he was separated from us - if you know or have known any 4 year old, imagine telling them they can't live at home anymore and moving them a 2 hour drive away. We knew we had to move closer to him which would allow him to come home weekly, rather than monthly as it stood then.

Once we made the move and he was able to come home weekly, he became his old self again. Here we are 5 years later, he is now 34, and we have a bit of a routine. I pick him up on Friday morning, take him to a drive-through breakfast and we park by the railroad tracks to see if the Father has arranged any trains to come through town at that moment. If an ambulance screams by Chris always grabs my hand saying, 'We better pray.' So we pray for the person they are rushing to help, and he ads a hearty AMEN! at the end.

Then we run errands - post office, home to use his own bathroom and change clothes out of 'group home smelling clothes' and see mom, then we take trash to the local dump/recycle, make the rounds of stores as we save things to do so we can do them with Chris. This week Chris got a haircut, and the lady who cuts his hair always gives him a Car and Driver magazine from the waiting area. He loves cars!

Chris keeps a running commentary on everything - we slow to a stop at an intersection out in the country and cows are grazing road-side. "Hello cows!" as he rolls down the window and sticks his arm out to wave at them. (In a low voice in response) "Hello Chris, what are you doing today?" "Oh, just shopping with dad, bye cows!" (Followed by laughing at himself and responding to himself, "Cows don't talk, do they dad? Ha ha, no cows don't talk Chris. But some do! You know, when I get to heaven I'm going to talk to cows!"

Chris has never met a stranger and most clerks know him when we roll through the door, so we take our time. If he sees a man with a cowboy hat on, which is common in Grove, Oklahoma, he will say, "Hello cowboy, what are you doing today?" And if someone is taking up the whole aisle as we attempt to roll through he says, "Look out people!" and then chuckle to himself before adding, "Excuse me." If we see a baby he has to talk to it, a dog and we have to pet it. We have fun.

We return home about 4pm (16:00) where Barb is cooking a favorite meal for him, and Chris can settle into his recliner with his drawing board, picture books, and watch some of his favorite shows or movies. Around 8 or 9pm he is ready for bed. I play a Christian children's music cd, tell him 'By His stripes" and he replies "I was healed!" as I turn out the light.

The next morning a bath is first thing no matter if he stayed dry or wet the bed (he can't get up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom, so I never know what I'm going to find)...but always a bath, then a favorite breakfast while watching his favorite shows or a movie. Donut Man, Gospel Bill, Davey & Goliath, Animated Stories of the NT/OT, Team Umizoomi, Bubble Guppies, some editted Sesame Street, Barney - and for movies, Cars, Cars 2, Herbie the Love Bug, Dumbo - you name it, our house is a Disney vault of movies!

By afternoon after a short prayer over him, we get in the truck, run a couple errands, then I feed him dinner at a place of his choosing and return to the group home about 5pm. That's a typical routine.

Normally I am the one to drop him off week in, week out, at the group home as it is very hard emotionally on Barb. It is on me too but I process it differently. Barb tends towards guilt and feelings of how inadequate the care is, it isn't like mom's care of course. I accept that compromise better.

But each time I tell Chris its time to start towards the group home he grows silent. His energy is gone, he becomes quiet until he has processed the fact he is going back. And he always asks 'So you're coming to get me next week right? You'll pick me up on Thursday?" "No Chris, on Friday I'll get you." "Oh, OK"

I remind him we both have to go to work - he goes to a workshop Monday-Thursday - and he settles in to the thought. But after I return him and sign his medicines back in and talk with the residents and staff and he has transitioned quickly to 'group home mode', he is 'up', talkative, interacting with the staff and residents, yet still needing assurance, "Dad, you come get me next week, ok?"

I assure him over and over I will, the weight of responsibility and his expectations fully hitting me each and every week we do this - I often pray something like "Oh Father, keep me alive and healthy so I can be there for him, and keep me from sin and anything that would shorten my life. Just take him first if before the rapture because he depends so much on me, please allow that grace, but I trust you and your plan." Some or all of those elements are always poured out from my heart to Him as I leave Chris.

I always fight back the tears as I drive away, emotionally down, giving thanks for the provision and good people watching over Chris, for his fellow resident and closest friend Frankie who also loves the Lord, a daughter of a missionary mom who only sees her daughter a couple times a year. But I am down. I must have alone time to work through it.

When I drive I often use the time to call people who have called me or need a call, but I just can't do it after I leave Chris, usually a Saturday. If I walked too far down that emotional path can you imagine where Satan would take it? Satan would take it to depression, hopelessness, guilt overwhelming...

But I know better. I counter the emotions knowing this group home and our home so far from our friends and home church in Tulsa is what He has for now. His grace is always present, but grace in someone's life has ramifications in the lives of others, and those in the Tulsa churches have been gracious.

So I worship, I process. Often the ride home alone I am silent other than praying in the spirit/Spirit quietly, me in my thoughts for 30 minutes, alternatively talking to the Father or just thinking. No talk radio, no song selection from my phone. Often I pull into the drive and turn off the truck and sit a few minutes.

This time of year there is a list of things to do, but Barb knows better than to ask me to do anything after I drop Chris off. I need to have alone time, just me and the Father. Then I will myself to redirect my thoughts - the lawn needs mowed, I need to work on my Weekly Thoughts due in 2 weeks, there are Skype IM's to answer, emails to answer, trip to plan, but usually on Saturday nights I just can't bring myself to do any of that though what needs to be done weighs upon me. That evening I need time to be in 'neutral', maybe watch TV, play solitaire on the computer, go work on my boat.

But first, Barb and I 'debrief' when I finally walk through the door after dropping Chris off as we need that together time, talking about some adjustment needed at the group home, clothes Chris needs, etc. Then we shift gears and talk of other things - The emotional cycle complete before it begins all over again next Friday.

So as I interrupt this series with a window into our lives, first, thank you for your patience. Secondly know that being mature in Christ doesn't mean perfection nor does it mean non-emotional spiritual robot living. It means walking through life with Him. Letting Him and His unconditional love that you are rooted and grounded in, continually be brought up before your face with every challenge, every process of emotion. Commune in your heart with the Father, with the Lord, and always bring your emotions back to that love. 

Next week back to the series...blessings and thanks!

John Fenn

www.cwowi.org and email me at cwowi@aol.com

0 Comments



Leave a Reply.

    Picture

      John Fenn

      If you want to subscribe

    Archives

    March 2023
    February 2023
    January 2023
    December 2022
    November 2022
    October 2022
    September 2022
    August 2022
    July 2022
    June 2022
    May 2022
    April 2022
    March 2022
    February 2022
    January 2022
    December 2021
    November 2021
    October 2021
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    June 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013
    December 2012
    November 2012
    October 2012
    September 2012
    August 2012
    July 2012
    June 2012

    RSS Feed

Church WithOut Walls International.eu (C) 2023
to donate
Photo used under Creative Commons from widakso