Hi all,
When I was growing up we had an aquarium full of tropical fish. My mom knew what species each one was, and I remember looking in reference books where they originally came from - their origins sounded exotic and I wondered about their home waters.

At another time we had 'sea monkeys' - a product of the 1960's and early '70's that was very popular for a time. I think sea monkeys were brine shrimp that hatched once placed in water, but whoever marketed them as 'sea monkeys' must have made a fortune because nearly every house with kids bought some at one time or another. Later mom would have a salt water tank and had several sea horses and other sea life.

And then...
My first snorkeling experience was at a gravel pit turned public swim area called France Park. Everyone called France Park 'The cliffs', because the big challenge was to climb over the fence boundary and jump off the cliffs which ranged from a few feet to near 100. While snorkeling there I saw fish for the first time in their natural environment, and I was amazed and felt sorry for the ones in our little tank at home.

Then I went snorkeling in the Florida Keys among coral reefs when I was about 17 and saw cousins of those aquarium fish in the wild. WOW! The colors and their interactions with each other in their natural environment was hugely impacting to me - the life those fish led compared to the fish in our tank was very different though each swam in water, found food, and went about life. Over the years I've snorkeled again in the Keys, the US Virgin Islands, and Hawaii, and each time I come away amazed at the Lord's imagination and creativity - and a touch of sorrow for all aquarium fish everywhere.

The church aquarium
Last week I shared my spiritual upbringing in the Episcopal church on Sunday mornings, as well as my involvement in Saturday night prayer meetings attended by other suddenly Spirit-filled Episcopalians, Catholics, Baptists and Methodists in the 'charismatic renewal' time of the 1970's.

To me, the Episcopal church was the little aquarium tank at home and my Saturday night prayer meeting was like the open ocean. I wondered if the fish trapped inside wondered what life could be like in a world not needing all that life support equipment. What if they could swim in a place where no water pump or filter was needed? What if they didn't need a bubble blower to put air into the water? What if they didn't need The Giant Hand to drop flakes of food to them each morning? What if there was no liturgy, no schedule, no altar or even building called 'church'?

Love God, but...
Some, like my mom, loved the history, ritual, and predictability of the Episcopal church. Routine meant safe, and she wouldn't dream of going outside that 'aquarium'. She loved the Lord, but remained a smoking, drinking, tongue talking Episcopalian the rest of her life. I inherited her Bibles when she died, and found she wrote in the margins of her Bibles just like I do - and her notes were deep thoughts and revelation - much to my surprise. But she loved that fish tank called St. Andrew's Episcopal church. Good for her and for any who feel the Lord has them in a traditional church as my mom did. I find no fault.

Her traditional church affirmed her in those ways. After the divorce she needed the routine of each Sunday, the stability, the history and feeling she was part of something old in which each ritual was a reflection of some deeper spiritual truth. But swimming in the spiritual open ocean affirms a person in a different way. Not in ritual and routine, choirs and music, but in freedom to go where God wants to go in a meeting, to participate, to be connected to people. And so for me, I kept thinking about those fish...

What if they could swim free among the coral reefs? Yes, I'd been ruined, I had not only seen what it was like outside the spiritual tank, I had swum in the open ocean!

All that I've said thus far, has come after years of reflection and life experience. At the time, I just kept my thoughts to myself out of respect for my mom, but my thoughts were amazingly close to that of a TV character in the popular (US) sitcom, The Big Bang Theory. The character named Amy says to her friend Sheldon: "I don't object to the concept of a deity, but I'm baffled by the notion of one that takes attendance." To which Sheldon replies; "Then you might want to avoid east Texas." LOL

Just straight talk
I had similar thoughts, boiled down to 'Does Jesus really need all the trappings of church for us to be able to worship and fellowship with Him?, but I didn't utter them. I did become determined not to be caught up in the things man-made, for though they were at one time intended to lead people to God, they had to me become obstacles and even walls erected that prevented me from knowing Him any other way than the priest, pastor, or teacher wanted me to know Him.

But, we accept the reality of the world which we are presented. We may wonder if the building and order and hype was invented by God as a means to allow us to approach Him or not, but we sit on those thoughts for years. We accept this is the way it is, wonder briefly in our deepest yearnings, 'What if?', and then return to the same routine, growing ever more restless over time.

Like I said, I never fit in - those are 'rebellious' thoughts
In 1978 I went to work for Jim and Tammy Bakker's PTL Club (TV ministry) in and around Charlotte, North Carolina. I was a Park Ranger at the Heritage USA site under development. Park Ranger sounds so official. But in a rapidly growing ministry that was pressured to open Heritage USA the summer of 1978, it meant I landscaped, showed little old ladies where the porta-potties were, and played host and guide.

It was the first year Barb and I were married, and it was a good experience, but once again, we didn't fit in. While the TV shows revolved around classic southern gospel singing and guests who would excite the audience, and Jesus was glorified, it was also big business.

I wondered, 'If we took away the TV cameras, the lights, the idolizing of the 'stars' that appeared on the show, could Jesus be seen in all this?' Our first year of marriage at the PTL Club was rough financially, rich spiritually, and rich as a young married couple in their 1st year together. We learned, we gleaned, we observed and made mental notes about ministry and life during that time. We learned how not to do ministry, but held to that which was good.

Rhema
Then in August of 1978, just 4 months into my work at PTL Club, the Father told me He wanted me to go to Rhema the next year. I had barely heard of Rhema, didn't know anything about it other than it was a Bible school in Tulsa, and so rose from prayer and called my mom.

She just happened to be having lunch with a friend right then, who upon hearing the news that the Father told me to go to Rhema in a year, said this: "In March the Lord told me, 'I'm going to send John to Rhema in about a year and a half, and I want you to pay his tuition.'' She was so excited I had called at the exact moment mom and her just happened to be having lunch. I was amazed at her response. She said, 'Send me a letter of acceptance and I'll write a check.' I did and she did, so in summer of 1979 we drove from North Carolina to Tulsa, not knowing what awaited us.

Rhema was a whole new world, and very exciting in 1979. I learned the integrity of God's Word - this was in the days before disciples of Kenneth Hagin twisted the Word to their own greed and lusts. It wasn't yet twisted into 'name it claim it' or 'prosperity gospel' - I learned God's Word was the final authority, and the Word and Spirit always agree. I learned to dig into the Word myself and to hear His voice as I studied and thought on the Word and ways of the Father.

But it was what I would call, 'professional' Christianity, in Tulsa, the belt buckle of the Bible belt. I was in another aquarium. I wondered what had happened to those Saturday night prayer meetings and the people who went there? I wondered where were my friends from those wonderful Thursday night teen prayer and praise meetings we went to, or the Sunday night meetings where we teens often rotated homes and experienced such moves of the Spirit?

Did we just jump from one aquarium with a certain type of fish into another aquarium with another type of fish? But with work and a new baby and school, the year went by quickly and it was soon time to move to where the Father told Barb and I when we were in college we'd be; Boulder, Colorado. That was May of 1980.

I'm jumping ahead a bit
I don't intend to take you down my Memory Lane in this series, but I do intend to get you thinking about what you truly long for, and why. You see, for centuries the Jews had worshipped in Jerusalem in a temple, and that's where God's presence was.

It really began back in Exodus 19 when the Lord came down on the mountain and gave His Word to Moses. He went from the mountain to the wilderness tabernacle He had instructed Moses to make. Some 400 years later David knew Him as the 'God who lives between the cherubs' over the Ark of the Covenant. Solomon built the first temple, and though destroyed and then rebuilt in part or completely through the years, the Temple is where God's presence was for centuries. That was their aquarium. That's all they knew.

But then came something that had never been seen before. At Pentecost God moved out of the temple and into human beings. He had confined Himself more or less to the aquarium of the Temple for centuries, but His real goal was to move out of that aquarium and into the open ocean of humanity. His goal was to move into living temples spread all over the earth, thus filling the earth with His glory, Word, and ways.

That is why something inside each Christian that rebels a bit at the aquarium and wonders 'Is there more?' We ask this because God moved out of the temple (aquarium) 2,000 years ago and into mankind. We are ocean going fish, not designed for the aquarium. And that's where I'll pick it up next week.

Blessings,
John Fenn

Remember to use cwowi@aol.com to email me

Hi all,
I was invited by an Episcopal (Anglican) priest to teach a house church conference in his Episcopal church, which I thought was a strange, but I went anyway. When I walked into that church with its rich woodwork, orderly pews, altar and the eternal flame up front, memories of my childhood flooded back to me in rapid fire succession like a movie trying to show years of a person's life in a matter of seconds.

It's all I knew
"That flame is the presence of the Lord", was mom's answer to my question of, "What is that red candle on the wall by the altar?", as we walked across the back of St. Andrew's Episcopal Church in Kokomo, Indiana.

I was probably 8 years old if that, and mom was introducing us to church for the first time. As she answered, I was trying to wrap my mind around God living in that building, right there behind the altar, with us just THAT close to Him, while also thinking I could walk up there and blow the candle out - then what would happen to the universe? Would I be struck dead? I didn't want to think about it.

Part of me wanted to run outside and stop passing cars with the great news that God lived in the church building RIGHT THERE! Part of me wondered why, if this was real, weren't others running out and stopping passing cars with this exciting news? Something didn't make sense, I thought to myself.

St. Andrew's was my introduction to Christianity and church life. We went to church, genuflected before entering our pew, to give respect to Jesus or something, and settled in. In my mind we always made a scene when we went to church each Sunday - 4 kids each born 2 years apart so we looked like perfect stair steps - and everyone turned to see dad lead the way, then mom, then we 4 in birth order.

Older women would smile while I cringed inside. Someone patted me on the head once and I offered a look I thought was part snarling dog and part 'Yes, I know we're cute and we'll make the most of it at fellowship hour to get an extra donut'.

Things changed, but didn't
Dad left our family when I was 11 1/2 years old, but mom kept taking us to church each week. The divorce is what drove mom to seek the Lord, and she found Him and the Baptism with the Holy Spirit. Soon, she and her best friend in church were pushing our priest to allow tongues and (heaven forbid), a guitar in worship!

I didn't know all the infighting that was going on. I knew the liturgy loosened up a bit, allowing a pause at places in the liturgy for members of the congregation to speak out loud their prayer requests. It was scary to a kid because like any traditional church, we were all in pews facing forward, so you never knew where a loud voice was going to come from - behind and right, front and left, the end of your own pew (how embarrassing to be on the same row with someone who spoke out a prayer request!).

I felt like a Londoner in a bomb shelter during the Battle of Britain, never knowing where some bomb would explode. Some people barely whispered while others practically yelled. It was unnerving. And the liturgy changed from thee and thine to you and yours, so that was suddenly very strange, yet familiar.

But everything else stayed the same - we entered in stair step order - except dad was missing which made me feel conspicuous. Then the processional, then we'd look at the board on the wall up front that had hymn numbers which were sung in the posted order, (the younger kids left after worship to go to Sunday school), followed by a 20 minute homily with exactly 1 joke, then the ceremony around Communion, receiving Communion in the long lines as pew by pew went forward, then the recessional, then to the donuts downstairs for 'fellowship hour'. Sunday after Sunday, the order never varied.

Gong show
Even then I had a desire to find out about God, and Father Cooper was very good during Confirmation classes stirring our 12 year old minds with the unfathomable. I remember a whole class was spent answering the question of where the very first atom came from. Could it exist by chance, or was it Created?

One other thing I remember about Confirmation. When the Sunday came for our class to be Confirmed, one of the girls in the class who was also a friend of mine, Margaret, had brought her next door neighbor and best friend to watch us get Confirmed.

I stumbled over the stairs and my words upon meeting her that day. She recalled later I was a chubby, clumsy, red headed kid with buck teeth, in an ugly green wool suit and there was NO WAY she would give me more than a passing greeting. I thought she was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen, and especially liked her blunt transparency and ornery streak with a touch of mischievousness. Little did she know that within 3 1/2 years she would 'go steady' with that chubby red headed kid who had stretched to 6' 6" tall, got his teeth straightened, his hair turned blonde, and within 7 years he would ask her to marry him.

Father
In my teen years I was searching for a father though that desire had yet to gel and become fully defined in my mind. I was searching, I just didn't know what for. So I became an altar boy, and acolyte. I think 2 of us served each Sunday, marching in the processional and recessional with Father Cooper, and assisting with the Lord's Supper and ringing the bell at the right time.

The right time to ring that bell was when Father Cooper was preparing the Lord's Supper, and he would kneel down and strike his chest with his fist 3 times, saying, 'Lord, I am not worthy', 'Lord, I am not worthy', 'Lord, I am not worthy', and then the altar boy was to hit the gong after each statement of being unworthy - not too loud so as to make someone pee their pants in the congregation, but not so soft that old Mrs. Whoever couldn't hear what was going on. It was hard to get it exactly right.

The trouble was, we were all kneeling over at the time, supposed to be looking forward and down, and I never could anticipate the timing of the 'I am not worthy' thump on his chest. At various times the congregation heard 'Lord, I am GONG....a pause to let the echo fade...not worthy', and other times the bell wouldn't be hit at all because my mind was drifting off to donuts or how hot it was or something like that.

Didn't fit in, even then
That was the first time I realized I didn't fit into church life. No matter how familiar the routine became, I felt no connection to any of it. God - I thought He was worth checking into - but none of the rest of it seemed to fit me, nor I, it. All I did in church got me no closer to Him, but it was all I knew at the time.

The big change in my life came in 1974 when a girl in German class, Janny, a Roman Catholic believer, would tell me about the Lord in between language exercises. I had scoffed at my mom's faith, but Janny was different - she told me of situations she and her boyfriend (her future husband) would encounter, how they prayed, and how the Lord answered those prayers. She didn't preach at me as mom did, she just opened her heart to talk of walking through teenage life in faith.

When I mentally tracked 7 answered prayers in a row I decided that was proof enough that Jesus and God the Father in particular could be personal. I went home and reasoned it out - if Jesus has the last word in my life, then if I lived for Him, no matter what other people thought of me and my faith, or how they hated me or spoke evil of me, if He would have the last word it only made sense to serve Him now. On that basis I 'asked Him into my heart' - told Him I believed He was God, and He could have my life if He wanted it. (Though I sincerely doubted He'd take me up on that offer). Then I started talking to the Father.

Prayer meetings
Janny's boyfriend had led her to the Lord, Janny led me, then I led my girlfriend - the pretty girl I saw at Confirmation 3 1/2 years earlier, to the Lord. They started discipling Barb and I though I didn't know that's what they were doing. They were just being friends, taking us to a Saturday night prayer meeting out at a farm house, talking about the Lord at Pizza Hut afterwards...and in those German classes. They even took us for a drive out into the country one day where we found a spot on someone's lawn, sat in a circle holding hands, and prayed that Barb and I might receive the Baptism with the Holy Spirit. And we did.

The Saturday night 'prayer meeting' as we called it back then, was a weekly home gathering of Spirit-filled believers from all sorts of backgrounds, but full of love and joy and pureness for the Lord. The worship had the 1970's musical instrument, the auto-harp, which must have been a required instrument in some unspoken Charismatic Renewal rule or something because autoharps were ALWAYS in meetings back then.

We would worship until we could worship no more. We studied the Bible, someone had a lesson, there was prayer for anyone who wanted it, and if the whole night was spent in worship or maybe praying for something or someone in attendance, so be it, that must be what the Lord wants so out with man's plan, let God be God.

It was there I saw my first miracle. The hosts for those meetings had a farm dog, a German Shepherd, who got kicked by a horse or cow so that a tooth was dangling by a mere strand of tissue and his mouth was swollen and other teeth misplaced by the force of the kick.

After removing our hands from his muzzle the mouth and tooth that had been so damaged a couple minutes earlier, was now completely normal, with the canine tooth that had been dangling, now firmly back in place - and off the dog ran to be play, completely healed!

The start of being ruined
I remember going back to St. Andrew's Episcopal Church after the Baptism with the Holy Spirit, after some of those Saturday prayer meetings, and reading the liturgy with shock and surprise - "Hey, this stuff is scriptural!" I said to myself. The Nicene Creed and Apostle's Creed were correct! I had never seen that before. I was amazed the Episcopalians had so much of the core belief correct.

And then the rest of the service proceeded...and the uncomfortable feeling you get when you don't fit in and you think everyone can see or sense that about you came roaring back. I wanted to be back at our Saturday night prayer meetings! I wanted to tell them they don't need all these trappings. They don't need the robes, the incense, the 3 dings of the bell, the stained glass!

I was on my way to being ruined...but I had another 25 years to go before I fully realized it. More next week on what ruined me. Blessings,

John Fenn
Remember to email me cwowi@aol.com

Hi all,
I began this series saying Christians often break fellowship for wrong reasons while ignoring the actual reasons given in scripture. Many of us have had friends drop us like radioactive waste when we changed churches or did the slightest thing to offend them, leaving us clueless as to what we did wrong!.

Confusion in the body of Christ
Let us not forget people who refuse to break fellowship when they should: They stay loyal to a minister after he divorces his wife and mother of their children to marry their nanny and is right back in the pulpit after the honeymoon. Or they remain loyal to the pastor who weekly manipulates their hard earned money out of their pockets to line his own, or the pastor who creates a church culture so toxic that if anyone raises the slightest question about anything, they are the ones accused of having a demon.

I want to teach the Word in context. So I don't want anyone to think Paul's list of habitual sins in I Corinthians 5 that qualify as reasons to break fellowship includes family members, co-workers, is license for divorce, or other situations outside the context in which he was writing.

Not talking kids and workplace situations
He was not sharing (nor was I) about adult children who once walked with the Lord but are now living in one or more of those various sins, nor was he talking about co-workers at the job.

For co-workers, you were hired to work, not witness or discuss spiritual things, so work. They aren't persecuting you, they just want you to do what you were hired to do; work. Paul said to work not with eye service as a man-pleaser, but unto the Lord who sees and knows all. Let your witness be your quality work.

For adult children I will suggest this; They know they are living in sin, or are an addict, and that you are praying for them. They don't need mom and dad expressing their disapproval every time you see them, nor do they need to hear a sermon. What they need is for you to be mom and dad. Romans 2:4 says, 'Do you not know it is the goodness of God that leads to repentance.' Show them God's goodness in you.

Let them see the Lord's faithfulness in your life, and talk wisdom to them. Help them make right decisions, and know that none of their behavior caught the Lord by surprise. Pray for them what Paul prayed, and I pray this for myself regularly, according to Ephesians 1:17-18 and Colossians 1:9 - that they may receive the Spirit of wisdom and revelation in Him, that the eyes of their understanding would be opened, that they may be filled with all spiritual wisdom and understanding.

The good news is the man repented
There is good news with the man of I Corinthians 5. You'll recall he had an ongoing sexual relationship with his step-mother, Paul pronounced judgment on him and turned him over to Satan for the destruction of his flesh for an early death so he would be saved - but he repented and was restored. Don't let that point be lost - after judgment was pronounced, he repented and it was accepted. So what indicates a true repentance?

Paul says in II Corinthians 7:8 of the effect of his first letter to them: "Though the letter caused you sorrow I do not regret it, though I did a little for I see it caused you grief and sorrow, though only for a little while."

He said he caused them 'grief' or 'sorrow', which is the Greek word 'lupe'. the Amplified Version says 'pain'. This is not just emotional pain and grief, but deeper, spiritual grief. It may take a sharp, confrontational word to them, as Paul's letter was, that caused the 'wake up' moment.

Godly grief
II Corinthians 7:9 continues: "I am glad now, not that you were pained, but that you were pained to repentance, for you felt a grief that God meant for you to feel, so that you might not suffer any loss..."

Godly grief and repentance is all about God and draws us to Him. False repentance is focused on self keeps a person from God. There is a Godly sorrow and that draws us to Him which allows us to receive mercy and grace to help in time of need - restoration. It is a healthy part of repentance.

And the next verse defines it even more: "For godly grief and the pain God is permitted to direct, produce a repentance that leads and contributes to salvation and deliverance from evil, and it never brings regret. But worldly grief is deadly (the hopeless sorrow characteristic of the pagan world)." (Amplified Version)

The people we must break fellowship with need to experience a Godly pain of the heart which directs them to Him. God is permitted to direct a godly sorrow because our hearts are turned to Him to give Him that permission. Have they given the Lord permission to deal with them on this subject? Have they experienced that grief God wants them to experience? David did. The man and the congregation of I Corinthians 5 did.

Experience the Holy Spirit, or knowing God?
Because true repentance flows from this revelation from God that we have sinned, I wonder if because so many churches provide a church experience instead of a God experience, people learn church-based repentance and formula repentance rather than a heavenly revelation based repentance the Bible describes.

People are trained to go to an auditorium to experience God rather than first experiencing God through the week in their personal lives. A whole congregation following a "Pray this prayer after me" instruction has become 'repentance'. They are trained to experience God corporately through worship or teaching, but once they walk out that door they don't know Him individually - they only know His presence corporately.

Because sin is personal between the human heart and God, the auditorium can offer little help as they try to battle sin. Repentance requires a person to pray their own prayer from their heart, not follow someone else's idea of what they think a person's heart should express.

As a result, millions of Christians are stuck powerless in a love/hate relationship with themselves and God wondering why He won't deliver them, ignorant that the power over their sin flows from revelation of the Father on a personal basis, not on a corporate basis.

If not corporate anointing, then...
I've seen people come forward week after week to altar calls yet are nothing bettered. Some years ago I began discreetly asking a few about their lives and found a common trait - each came forward expecting the pastor (prophet, teacher) to lay hands on them and if they kept coming forward, one day, Lord willing, hopefully, if the anointing is heavy enough and there is an open heaven that night, and the pastor holds his tongue just right, God will touch them and deliver them.

This culture of 'someone laying hands on me is the key to my breakthrough' is in contrast to scripture. Repentance is the first word of salvation. Hebrews 6:1 lists repentance as the first characteristic of the foundation of faith. Has the seeker friendly, politically correct, don't pressure anyone, and don't mention 'sin', culture robbed people of a true salvation experience involving repentance?

We were created sovereign beings which means neither God nor the devil are able to make us do anything. Many in the body of Christ need to find backbone, find determination, and stop waiting for some anointed magic beans to solve their sin problem, and just repent. Often though, they love their sin more than our presence in their lives, and would rather stay in sin than seek God with their whole heart.

It's always harder work to seek God than seek sin. The standard life line the church throws to people in need of repentance is, 'Come back next week and hear the message' (or the guest speaker) because many pastors have lost or never had in their own lives the knowledge of how to seek God, so can't lead others.

Just talk to Him from your innermost heart
Again, for many in the body of Christ, they know how to pray corporately, worship corporately, receive teaching corporately, even repent corporately.

But they don't know how to just talk to the Father conversationally one on one (nor repent on a one to one basis). Find reasons to talk to Him - tell Him of the beautiful morning, on the great timing of something good in your life, and of that issue you are struggling with. Don't get into the habit of you and He struggling with a sin yet never actually talking to Him about it - be blunt, be honest - He can handle it. He has invested in you for the long haul - eternity.

He knew of our struggles at this time before He even created the world, yet Jesus still died for us. He not only loves you, He likes you. Wow. Once you share your heart to Him openly and honestly, be quiet, and let Him share His heart openly and honestly with you, which may take weeks or months. Walk with Him in that. That revelation leads to a repentance that will never be regretted, and will draw you closer to Him than you ever have been before.

Blessings,
John Fenn
Remember to email me personally using cwowi@aol.com

Hi all,
Breaking fellowship and repentance
The Rich Young Ruler came to Jesus asking, 'Good Master, what must I do to inherit eternal life?' The man's sin was lust and love for money and the status it brought him - but Jesus side-stepped the question and cut to who or what sat on the throne of his heart: "Why are you calling Me Good? No one is good but God." (In other words, 'Are you calling me God because you called Me good?')

The man didn't answer Jesus' question, so the Lord addressed his heart another way - "Sell all you have and come follow Me!" That forced the man to examine Jesus' question from another angle while exposing his true priorities: Is Jesus God or just a good man, and what do I love more; eternal life or money?

My point is that Jesus didn't focus on calling out that sin in his life - He simply went to the core issue of who is Jesus and what did he love most in life, money or God? Jesus still does this today for He never changes. When considering whether to break fellowship with a person, we must not get side-tracked on other issues, but need to look at the core issue in their life, and whether or not they are willing to change.

Repentance, or not?

The man in I Corinthians 5 who had a sexual relationship with his step-mother did in fact repent of his sin, which is acknowledged in II Corinthians 7. His desire for maturity in Christ was greater than his love of sex, to put it bluntly, and he repented of his sin and was restored to the fellowship of the saints.

There are 2 Greek words translated 'repent' or 'repentance'. The first is 'metanoeo', and means 'to perceive afterwards'. The root words are 'meta' - after, and 'noeo' and 'nous' - perceive and mind. It means to realize something after you've done it, with the implication you are changing your mind once you perceive it. This is used in the Bible of a true and Godly repentance.

The other word is 'metamelomai', from 'meta' - after, 'melo' - to care about/for, and it means 'regret'. This word is used to describe someone caught in the act and so they 'repent', or someone who's plan did not work out so they 'repent' - they are sorry, but only that their plan did not work out as they hoped. It is self-focused and revolves around the fact they got caught or their plan didn't work, so they regret that.

It is used of Judas in Matthew 27:3: "Then Judas, who had betrayed Him, saw that He was condemned, repented and brought the 30 pieces of silver to the chief priests and elders..." Judas didn't repent to God, he was sorry his plan to force Jesus to prove himself as God's Son didn't work out. Judas regretted within himself his plan failed, not to God.

David's true repentance
In II Samuel 12 David is confronted by Nathan about his relationship with Bathsheba, which was founded on lust, lies, and murder. David lusted for her when he saw her bathing, had her husband killed, and then covered it up. But David says in verse 13 when confronted: "I have sinned against the Lord."

If it was the false repentance of Judas, David would have said, 'I'm sorry my deception didn't work out' or 'Oops! You caught me and I'm so sorry.' But instead David realized the core of his heart, the core of the issue - "I have sinned against the Lord."

Thus true repentance is always the result of revelation. Revelation is what the whole kingdom of God works on, and this is revelation that what I did was at its core, against God. That is what we are looking for in someone who is on the verge of losing us as friends, losing our fellowship, being asked to attend another church, even losing their marriage - we are looking for Godly repentance founded upon a revelation from heaven of the true nature of their sin. We are looking for a spiritual 'light bulb' of revelation to click on where they suddenly say 'I get it'. And we are so sad when we only see Judas' type of repentance or none at all.

Repentance from revelation is the power of deliverance and the start down the path to wholeness
This is seen in David and Bathsheba's marriage, founded upon lust, lies, and murder, but by grace healed and resulting in Solomon! Solomon quotes his father through the first 9 chapters of Proverbs, and in 4:3-4 tells of the love of his father and mother for him - what a turn around in that marriage! But they had to go through the door of true repentance to attain the wholeness they sought. It is the same for us today.

As it relates to the person in our midst (house church/close fellowship) who is living in fornication, or a liar or dishonest in business or an addict or plants strife, we sometimes have to separate from them because there is no true repentance, there is no revelation in their heart that they are sinning against God. They may apologize they got caught, or regret how they hurt you, but that is what Judas did - even turning in the money so it looked all neat and tidy and genuine!

Paul described true repentance in II Corinthians 7: 10-11 as 'a Godly sorrow that won't be repented of'. He uses the 2nd repentance here, regret - meaning the person has revelation in his heart that it is a sin against God, which causes Godly sorrow, and once a person has that revelation and sorrow they will never regret that they repented, they will never regret serving God.

But what if...
What if they are like what Jesus described in Luke 17:4, they repent to you 7 times in a day, and Jesus said, 7 times in that day you will forgive him. Isn't each of those 7 times a false repentance? Maybe, but maybe that person is just working through the revelation and battling through their love of momentary pleasure of sin and their love of God.

For though he went away sorrowful the day Jesus invited him to become a disciple, very old church tradition says the Rich Young Ruler eventually did sell all he had to follow Jesus, which is seen in Acts 4:36-37 when he lays the proceeds at the apostle's feet and they rename him, Barnabus.

Hard heart?
If a person's heart is still pliable, workable, clay in the Master's hand, then they are working their way through the 7 times in a day of sin, repent, sin, repent process towards wholeness.

But if they harden their heart as the man who was having sex with his stepmother initially did, or we see only Judas' type of repentance, we must separate from them for our house church's sake or our own well-being. 

The gifts and calling of God are without repentance - Romans 11:29 

Oftentimes people will look at their lives and wonder if the call of God is still on them as in years past, or have years of the world and backsliding made it so that they have missed God completely. And Romans 11:29 is rightly used to say it is NOT too late, the gifts and calling of God are without repentance.

But there is a deeper truth in the Greek than what is translated in English. The word 'repentance' here is not David's type of repentance, like we would think when speaking of God. It is the false repentance of Judas that is used here, meaning regret.

What Paul is writing is this - The gifts and calling of God in you are things He will never be sorry His plans (in this life) for you didn't work out. He will never regret within Himself He called you and gave you gifts. He will never be sorry or regret within Himself that He invested His Son in you. He will never, ever, regret creating you or gifting you or calling you. He invested in you for eternity, and He will never been sorry for that - wow!

Next week, how to receive revelation that leads to true repentance.

Blessings,
John Fenn
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