Hi all,
I haven't written my monthly house church thoughts since spring, when 'travel season' began. Thanks for your patience.
I've been thinking on a topic the last several months and now have the time and energy to write some thoughts to you.
Opinions, perceptions, right and wrong
A common difficulty seen across borders and cultures, is people in house church having hard feelings or eventual separation from each other, all because of opinions and perceptions.
My current Weekly Thoughts series is about a related topic, within the context of separating from one another because of sin. But what I see around the globe is Christians getting in strife and even separating because of differences of opinion. There are 3 main categories:
1) Transferring their life experience onto another - the pre-conceived idea
A visitor to a house church meeting came away from the experience very offended. What was the reason? Because the house church didn't have the Lord's Supper in that meeting and this person felt that was totally wrong. He had pre-conceived ideas of what house church was going to be, based on his experience some 20 years earlier in a small home (cell) group that celebrated the Lord's Supper every time they met.
He couldn't be persuaded that his opinion was welcome, but the house church celebrated the Lord's Supper as the leader for that week felt led, not as a set-in-stone schedule. He left in his offense, continuing his search for that 'perfect' house church, defined as a house church that was completely like his experience 20 years ago.
The advantage of time is that it allows us to select which memories we want to hold onto, and this man evidently only retained memories of perfection concerning his small group from 2 decades earlier.
Shocking experience - A family was in need of repairs to their home electrical system, and the house church volunteered to gather as a group and help with the wiring. They purchased supplies for the family and intended to show up one Saturday morning to re-wire the breaker box, laundry area, and a bathroom, but the homeowner politely declined.
One person was very upset that he declined. The reason for turning down the help while accepting the materials, is that the man knew wiring, and the prospect of 8 or 10 volunteers pulling wiring and attaching this and that to his breaker box and outlets terrified him, with concerns ranging from electrocution to a later electrical fire if one of these unskilled helpers wired something incorrectly.
The offended person was knowledgeable of wiring and took personal offense as if the home owner was questioning this man's ability. He thought because he was good at wiring then everyone should understand that and accept his help. He transferred his life experience and expectations of how he would be received, onto this homeowner and situation.
I could go on and on with this sort of thing, but the common thread is that sometimes people think the way they experienced life is the way others should too. If they received the Lord's Supper every house church meeting, then it is wrong to do otherwise. If one offered help with some wiring and he knew he could do that job, it was wrong to turn down such a generous gift of experience and material.
Paul said in a couple places to discuss topics, but not to the point of arguing. In other words, a discussion turns into an argument when someone insists on placing their opinion on another person who doesn't agree with their opinion. Stop short of argument, exchange opinions, but offense comes when we place our expectations on someone else.
Ask yourself if you are forming opinions about a person or situation based on your life experience, and transferring those expectations to them. That is a very personal offense, a feeling they are rejecting you because they aren't doing things the way YOU would do them. Pull back, let them work it out by what they think they should do in that situation. The are accountable to Jesus, not you, so relax and let it go.
2) Transferring their gift onto another
This attitude is revealed when someone says to another, 'Well, I wouldn't do it that way!' It is related to #1 in that we see the world through our life experiences, which is also perceived through our gifts and talents.
However, this opinion is formed and offense happens when we only see others through our own gifts, and fail to see they have different gifts. Often we see a smidgen of our gift in another and think that must be developed to the same level it is in me.
News flash: Our job is not to develop our gifts in them.
When we look at others through our own gifts we end up thinking if others aren't doing as we would, they are not mature, or they have issues they need to deal with. It is the log in our eye and splinter in theirs, situation.
A pastor's wife who also led worship (I was on staff at this church), was very energetic in her worship, jumping up and down, spinning around, yelling and clapping. If you weren't jumping up and down as she was she would look at you with 'the look' to get with it. I learned to give the look back, that said basically, 'That's not how I worship lady, in fact you should just be happy I'm not just laying down here on the carpet face first, because that's how I receive.'
I remember a pastoral staff meeting, with about 35 of us in the room, where she urged everyone to jump up and down and be cheerleaders with her for the congregation. I nervously scanned the room, hoping beyond hope she wasn't just talking just about me, and was relieved to see 6 or 8 other non-jumpers present. LOL.
She thought if you weren't doing as she did, then you weren't worshipping. She couldn't conceive that someone (like me) could receive better just standing still, eyes closed, hands uplifted. (Or better yet, seated or flat on the floor).
Sick and tired - A person in a house church was sick and homebound for a few weeks during a round of chemotherapy, and most all the house church came to her aid, bringing in food. One of the ladies who had done so was talking to another woman in that house church, and when asked what food she had brought her, the woman responded 'none'.
Before she could explain any more, the first woman who had given several meals, started 'chewing out' this woman, totally offended that their friend was weak due to chemotherapy and this lady couldn't even bring a single meal to their friend.
She learned the rest of the story and had to apologize a little while later. It turns out the other lady had taken time off her job to take the sick friend to various doctor's appointments, to sit in the park, to go on drives with her, and she did housework and laundry for her as well - far more than merely fixing a meal. But she did so unheralded and unannounced.
Ask yourself if you are measuring others by your own gifts. Are you forming opinions about how people should act in a situation based on how you would act in that situation? Ask yourself if you think another should be more like you, based on your own gifts and what you would do in a given situation.
Each of these first 2 rob a person of the ability to see another's situation and their own needs and desires, as well as their gifts. These 2 give people tunnel vision, and cause them to take offense when others don't fit in their tunnel view of life, and they can lead to trying to 'fix' another person rather than actually being friends, making them a project rather than a friend in the Lord.
3) Insinuating themselves into a situation that is not their business
This is one of the most dangerous and damaging things in a house church for it can turn a house church into a gossip-fest, with everyone knowing everything about everyone's life without respect of the boundaries of marriage and friendship.
A man confides to another man in the house church that several years ago, before he knew the Lord, he had an affair. When his wife found out, she had an affair out of spite, and the stress of it all eventually led them to the Lord. There were still some stresses in their marriage because of all that, and the husband was asking his friend for prayer that he and his wife could talk it out and enter into the last bit of healing needed.
BUT...the friend brought up that bit of history to the wife one day, and offered him and his wife for spiritual guidance and prayer so they could bring that chapter of their lives to an end - The wife was immediately horrified as well as deeply hurt, that her husband had shared that sensitive information.
The friend then became offended that he was being blamed as well as the husband - but he was in the wrong, as was the husband. He tried to insert himself (and his wife) into a private marriage issue - he had not been invited, and it was not his place to do the inviting.
Often someone will find out about someone else's sin, either past or present, and then either want to become involved in that person's repentance/deliverance, or run to leadership with their new knowledge, or in the case above, to the wife and ask to become involved.
Ask yourself if the Lord allowed you to know this 'secret' because you can be trusted for confidential intercessory prayer, and as a friend. Ask yourself if you shared that information, would you cross lines of marriage, of friendship, or work relationship or family ties? Is it your place to share this information, or theirs? Don't cross the line.
If you aren't related by blood, marriage, or a work relationship, hold this knowledge in confidence, keeping it before the throne, thus demonstrating to the Father you are trustworthy in handling private matters.
Conclusion
As I said, these 3 are the main areas I see around the world, across nations and cultures. People are people and the devil is the devil. But in general, refrain from forming opinions about other people.
Judge their works, not their heart and motives. But don't get offended at anything. Always ask yourself, 'How can I grow more mature', 'How can I walk in deeper love towards them', and let them walk out their life. It is their story to tell, not yours.
Until next month on house church thoughts!
Blessings,
John
I haven't written my monthly house church thoughts since spring, when 'travel season' began. Thanks for your patience.
I've been thinking on a topic the last several months and now have the time and energy to write some thoughts to you.
Opinions, perceptions, right and wrong
A common difficulty seen across borders and cultures, is people in house church having hard feelings or eventual separation from each other, all because of opinions and perceptions.
My current Weekly Thoughts series is about a related topic, within the context of separating from one another because of sin. But what I see around the globe is Christians getting in strife and even separating because of differences of opinion. There are 3 main categories:
1) Transferring their life experience onto another - the pre-conceived idea
A visitor to a house church meeting came away from the experience very offended. What was the reason? Because the house church didn't have the Lord's Supper in that meeting and this person felt that was totally wrong. He had pre-conceived ideas of what house church was going to be, based on his experience some 20 years earlier in a small home (cell) group that celebrated the Lord's Supper every time they met.
He couldn't be persuaded that his opinion was welcome, but the house church celebrated the Lord's Supper as the leader for that week felt led, not as a set-in-stone schedule. He left in his offense, continuing his search for that 'perfect' house church, defined as a house church that was completely like his experience 20 years ago.
The advantage of time is that it allows us to select which memories we want to hold onto, and this man evidently only retained memories of perfection concerning his small group from 2 decades earlier.
Shocking experience - A family was in need of repairs to their home electrical system, and the house church volunteered to gather as a group and help with the wiring. They purchased supplies for the family and intended to show up one Saturday morning to re-wire the breaker box, laundry area, and a bathroom, but the homeowner politely declined.
One person was very upset that he declined. The reason for turning down the help while accepting the materials, is that the man knew wiring, and the prospect of 8 or 10 volunteers pulling wiring and attaching this and that to his breaker box and outlets terrified him, with concerns ranging from electrocution to a later electrical fire if one of these unskilled helpers wired something incorrectly.
The offended person was knowledgeable of wiring and took personal offense as if the home owner was questioning this man's ability. He thought because he was good at wiring then everyone should understand that and accept his help. He transferred his life experience and expectations of how he would be received, onto this homeowner and situation.
I could go on and on with this sort of thing, but the common thread is that sometimes people think the way they experienced life is the way others should too. If they received the Lord's Supper every house church meeting, then it is wrong to do otherwise. If one offered help with some wiring and he knew he could do that job, it was wrong to turn down such a generous gift of experience and material.
Paul said in a couple places to discuss topics, but not to the point of arguing. In other words, a discussion turns into an argument when someone insists on placing their opinion on another person who doesn't agree with their opinion. Stop short of argument, exchange opinions, but offense comes when we place our expectations on someone else.
Ask yourself if you are forming opinions about a person or situation based on your life experience, and transferring those expectations to them. That is a very personal offense, a feeling they are rejecting you because they aren't doing things the way YOU would do them. Pull back, let them work it out by what they think they should do in that situation. The are accountable to Jesus, not you, so relax and let it go.
2) Transferring their gift onto another
This attitude is revealed when someone says to another, 'Well, I wouldn't do it that way!' It is related to #1 in that we see the world through our life experiences, which is also perceived through our gifts and talents.
However, this opinion is formed and offense happens when we only see others through our own gifts, and fail to see they have different gifts. Often we see a smidgen of our gift in another and think that must be developed to the same level it is in me.
News flash: Our job is not to develop our gifts in them.
When we look at others through our own gifts we end up thinking if others aren't doing as we would, they are not mature, or they have issues they need to deal with. It is the log in our eye and splinter in theirs, situation.
A pastor's wife who also led worship (I was on staff at this church), was very energetic in her worship, jumping up and down, spinning around, yelling and clapping. If you weren't jumping up and down as she was she would look at you with 'the look' to get with it. I learned to give the look back, that said basically, 'That's not how I worship lady, in fact you should just be happy I'm not just laying down here on the carpet face first, because that's how I receive.'
I remember a pastoral staff meeting, with about 35 of us in the room, where she urged everyone to jump up and down and be cheerleaders with her for the congregation. I nervously scanned the room, hoping beyond hope she wasn't just talking just about me, and was relieved to see 6 or 8 other non-jumpers present. LOL.
She thought if you weren't doing as she did, then you weren't worshipping. She couldn't conceive that someone (like me) could receive better just standing still, eyes closed, hands uplifted. (Or better yet, seated or flat on the floor).
Sick and tired - A person in a house church was sick and homebound for a few weeks during a round of chemotherapy, and most all the house church came to her aid, bringing in food. One of the ladies who had done so was talking to another woman in that house church, and when asked what food she had brought her, the woman responded 'none'.
Before she could explain any more, the first woman who had given several meals, started 'chewing out' this woman, totally offended that their friend was weak due to chemotherapy and this lady couldn't even bring a single meal to their friend.
She learned the rest of the story and had to apologize a little while later. It turns out the other lady had taken time off her job to take the sick friend to various doctor's appointments, to sit in the park, to go on drives with her, and she did housework and laundry for her as well - far more than merely fixing a meal. But she did so unheralded and unannounced.
Ask yourself if you are measuring others by your own gifts. Are you forming opinions about how people should act in a situation based on how you would act in that situation? Ask yourself if you think another should be more like you, based on your own gifts and what you would do in a given situation.
Each of these first 2 rob a person of the ability to see another's situation and their own needs and desires, as well as their gifts. These 2 give people tunnel vision, and cause them to take offense when others don't fit in their tunnel view of life, and they can lead to trying to 'fix' another person rather than actually being friends, making them a project rather than a friend in the Lord.
3) Insinuating themselves into a situation that is not their business
This is one of the most dangerous and damaging things in a house church for it can turn a house church into a gossip-fest, with everyone knowing everything about everyone's life without respect of the boundaries of marriage and friendship.
A man confides to another man in the house church that several years ago, before he knew the Lord, he had an affair. When his wife found out, she had an affair out of spite, and the stress of it all eventually led them to the Lord. There were still some stresses in their marriage because of all that, and the husband was asking his friend for prayer that he and his wife could talk it out and enter into the last bit of healing needed.
BUT...the friend brought up that bit of history to the wife one day, and offered him and his wife for spiritual guidance and prayer so they could bring that chapter of their lives to an end - The wife was immediately horrified as well as deeply hurt, that her husband had shared that sensitive information.
The friend then became offended that he was being blamed as well as the husband - but he was in the wrong, as was the husband. He tried to insert himself (and his wife) into a private marriage issue - he had not been invited, and it was not his place to do the inviting.
Often someone will find out about someone else's sin, either past or present, and then either want to become involved in that person's repentance/deliverance, or run to leadership with their new knowledge, or in the case above, to the wife and ask to become involved.
Ask yourself if the Lord allowed you to know this 'secret' because you can be trusted for confidential intercessory prayer, and as a friend. Ask yourself if you shared that information, would you cross lines of marriage, of friendship, or work relationship or family ties? Is it your place to share this information, or theirs? Don't cross the line.
If you aren't related by blood, marriage, or a work relationship, hold this knowledge in confidence, keeping it before the throne, thus demonstrating to the Father you are trustworthy in handling private matters.
Conclusion
As I said, these 3 are the main areas I see around the world, across nations and cultures. People are people and the devil is the devil. But in general, refrain from forming opinions about other people.
Judge their works, not their heart and motives. But don't get offended at anything. Always ask yourself, 'How can I grow more mature', 'How can I walk in deeper love towards them', and let them walk out their life. It is their story to tell, not yours.
Until next month on house church thoughts!
Blessings,
John
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